I Practice Death To Forget You | Lora Mathis (via soggypoetry)
I do all the things you used to hate. I dye my hair colors that make the church ladies stare. I go to bed without dinner and subside entirely on air. I make tea and pour cream in after. I give up reading. I give up The Beatles. I never eat another plate of scrambled eggs. I shape myself into someone you would dislike. My speech sharpens. My teeth turn to fangs. I let go of the softness that drew you to me. My fingernails itch to become claws and I don’t fight it. This is what it takes to survive. I let people into my bed that I would have walked right past with you. He is sad-eyed and needs my flimsy paper wrists to support him. I pour every late night with you into him, until he says, ‘I love you, I love you’ and I say, ‘Shh, you’ll ruin the fun.’ I do what it takes to forget you, and at the end, have more bruises than the ones I started with, but I can finally look at a sunset and not feel anything at all.
We’re both going to get older, and eventually settle down with someone. We met each other young, so it’ll be hard. But I know that you’re the one. If we’re not together in 20 years, I’d be cheating on my future wife with my thoughts and dreams of you. You’re my plan. You’re the only one for me.
In 20 years,
I want your back
against my chest.
In 20 years,
my skin will crawl
with the thought of another.